A Certain Insatiable Hunger



too some degree I can, I find it odd how when in her presence I can enjoy it only to a shallow degree, yet lurch when the moment is over. astonishing how I can not find myself to relish in the present moment as I often find myself saying that I will beforehand, as if some how I am incapable of such an easy statute.

It's been a while hasn't it? the soft grays and pseudo-greens of the entry page pacifies me into a more collected, and appreciated state of mind that I gladly am exuberant for.

I'm a bit skeptical of my intelligence lately, all though the evanescent foray of my underlings into my realm of consciousness is brief and intermittent, somehow they strike a chord in the fortitude that is my All Mighty of Egos. A certain sick, all though enjoyable wish of mine is to press my thumbs into their eye sockets until they are crushed into the base of the cavity. it may have it's kinks, but the fortunate strength of it's self-perpetuation is what gives me my stance, if one is blunt , caustic and swift no one will be the wiser to your inner-workings, exceptions made to people with exceptional reading abilities whom, if I may say, I would adore to gouge. Back to my point, I can make the conclusion that I am not as stimulated and stimulating as I once was, I do not have the proper resources nor the will to implement them into an effective guise so I can resume my previously normal activities of studying, researching and categorizing as much information and analysis as I could into a days cycle. My memory is horrid, so whatever I learned in those days of compacting is nothing more then scraps nailed to peeling pin-boards in my mind. I drop hints, perhaps try to ebb the conversation into a more stimulating and directly pleasing manner of higher recesses, and even made rather concluding remarks at certain moments that are dismissed as humorous and caustic. I've also ceased to be as meticulous socially, I had ever possible array of things going on at one time, but now everything has distilled to an all enjoyable though dreadfully entrancing routine. I've also noticed that I no longer have an over-whelming will to leave my house once my foot is through the door, all though as I right this it is horridly cold outside with the sun bursting through every last crevice, and the wind not even mustering a whisper, I still steadily clack away at the keys, thumbing away word after sentence after paragraph. as blue as ever, god is it lovely outside and yet here I still am. at times I even think I've been conditioned into this, but I was definitely not this in my hay day, though perhaps I am just paranoid, I am incredibly over critical of everything I do, so C'est La Vie.

Having just finished Fast Food Nation, I am obligated to start spewing out my Laws on Food and Society.

To Over-View, Good food + Society = Prospering Nation. I can stress this no simpler, I’ve always thumbed over the rampant discord in this country and I point my ragged finger at the lack of a cook in the kitchen, a warm roast braised with vegetables, mashed potatoes and cool glass of milk not only go down to the gut, but to the integrity of the people, properly fed and coordinated they are fit and able, perhaps not all the manners of perfection, but righteously well, rather then rotting away at the bone, or pulled to the earth by god knows how many pounds of excess flesh.
I’m disgusted with how some people eat, how can you cram that repulsive garbage down your gullet? I try my best, and you can go ahead and belittle my food, though it is skeptical whether your choice is the better alternative. Such as when I can haggled for eating a cheeseburger at school, like your meal of brittle iceberg lettuce, processed cheese, and scrapped together ham is any better. If mine was fished out of god knows what nasty crevice, they did the same to yours but threw a bow on it. Sigh, if I was ever placed at the heed of this nasty mash up I would set out to make sure every hungry mouth has something good to go in it, besides a gag. Can I stress this further? I’m sick of seeing gluttons waltzing around, I’m sick of my people festering away not only physically, but mentally as well. { a matter I’ll touch on subsequently}
I’m sick of this horrid charade, I’m sick of inaction, I want progress, I want something done. But is that ever going to happen? Dubious, government seems to be more inept in governing itself then us, and I wonder how that translates to how we as citizens are treated. Times came when such discord would not be taken lightly, the people would be flustered sashaying to and fro with signs, parades, demonstrations and strife, god knows they got something done. Though, perhaps the Government was not the over-feed klutz it is today, you could shoot it in the foot and set it on fire and it would take it months to notice the damage, perhaps then things were different, perhaps there was a degree of passion and consideration that is so clearly under-represented today.

Kick it from the side and the whole rotting structure will fall, a phrase once coined for the Soviet Union and all the fitting now strikes me as a strange irony that may descend upon us. We have certainly not descended to such an atrocious and abominable level, though in certain aspects which are presented then dismissed, I beg to differ. Idiocy runs rampant, though my self-checking prompts the consideration that it has always been like this, the previous generation already roosting in their nests and order handed down from their predecessors worries that some drastic rot is occurring below them in the recess of The Youth, they squawk and furl their feathers, nit-picking the issue in the areas they believe it arises from furthering the problem and never finding any concrete evidence of the source. The best solution is a contemplation of the issue from with the Roosters, in conjunction with a third party and a representative of The Youth. Perhaps then they can surmise a solution, though one can never be certain of the effects once parties unite in some mutual effort, as a fellow human being I can relay a brief understanding of the master Cluster-Fucks, I may eloquently label them as, we have partaken in under the Mighty envelope of Civilization and Society.

We always fear the destruction of order, we as human beings conjured fire to drive back the unknown, we as humans engineered Society, we as humans fabricated Civilization to ensure that that said darkness banished a few feet away eons ago, stays beyond sight at the edges of our breadth of knowledge, perhaps mating with the formidable darkness that is our inevitable descent back to holding that stick, meagerly feeding the light to the all encompassing and destroying darkness.

Aren’t we all fascinated with the darkness?
Yet, we explore it with gun in hand, ready to destroy that which entrances us.

Fear is Carnal, interwoven in the flesh as is the blood that courses through our veins, as are muscles that ripple with the ecstasy of their command of motion.
Flesh is sweet as the sky is blue, the sun is warm, and the earth is fertile. Our fear distills to a subtle, numbing realization that perches upon the brow , our flesh is the simplest reminder that we are alive, and the blood that gives it color the larger clue of our mortality. In this carnal fear is the facet of human existence, as a sentient race we are imbued with the power of thought and the horror of truth. We can be ignorant on such a lowly, sad level for so long before what lurks beneath our wishes surfaces.
A fear of blood, emulates a fear for the flesh.

The cold volumes of space harbor the ailing unknown, fought wearily back by an ever expanding fire.
Though, the Earths flesh lies singed and upon these gashes about her The Unknown may fester in it’s dark recesses, commonly fed by the wallowing darkness of shallow weak Human Ignorance. Strangely contained about these singed marks of flesh, the raging infernos of hell carry on an existence supported unknowingly by the self-declared righteous. About here, upon Hell and the Unknown fed upon Darkness’s Teat lie encroached masses all the more downtrodden then one couldst imagine, burdened with poverty and famine, they lie drenched in sweat they hungrily drink, perched atop them in a crimson and ebony pedestal lies their leader, embracing them in his reams of splendor and excess. Upon here lies the one who suckles the teat of Deceit and Evil, the one whose brilliant smile and gentle eyes harbor destruction and rot.
Good Destroys Evil
As the raven caws morrow morn, feed him his eyes I do as morrow comes.

He then shall see what can be wrought upon him for such misdeeds. The knife is sharp his belly, dull.
The most rash of our decisions are the least effective, yet pleasing on many different levels.

Pleasure aside, a more appropriate solution is at hand. The oppression and subjugation of my Fellow Brothers and Sisters about this Earth is the highest offense of the new morality imposed on us, though another greater offense is the lack of action the world bestows upon them. Aid, in it’s many lucratively fluid forms does nothing to alleviate the issues plaguing these people. Concerning food, drop offs and rationings does not solve the issue that the regions indebted lack the ability to grow anything of value. Instead of giving them fish, teach them how to fish. By developing resources into irrigation practices and crops that can grow fruitfully and heartedly in such an arid climate would contribute to their health and well being, allowing a sold foundation for latter steps. With food now in place, and famine in steady dissipation, wars and other strife may decline due to a well-fed and humbly gracious populace. With a secure stable environment, the product of a well-fed, adequately educated, healthy populace, reinforcement steps now begin.

Education is the more dangerous variety to instill, first one has to prioritize and make sure that the education that is being offered is viable and useful in the individuals environment. In the arid regions of the African savanna, irrigation is an essential tool for establishing food and subsequently thus order. Implementing varieties of plants that produce food quickly and grow easily in the climate greater increases the chance of success, and also makes the excess irrigated water available for purification and drinking. This step is crucial, Education has to be implemented to suit the individual and frame their learned abilities to accelerate societies advancement. As mentioned before, this step helps to assure that basic mechanisms for survival and subsistence remain in check and operational. With education in place, these essential principles of order and maintenance will not evaporate as quickly as they otherwise would.

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Knowledge is Power, Power is Change, Change is Control.
One can not undermine the contributions of the Intelligent, but they are easily subjugated if they do not go with the ebbing tides of the social climate. Weakness is not Meekness, a degree of compliancy will guarantee you keep your head another day. Though there shall come a time when one must risk their neck
Ignorance manifests itself here. By choosing to vehemently follow your solution, you risk the stability of the state, and cause a rupture in society. Those that support you, and those that herald the new ideal will clash in the more costly and rudimentary of clashes, The Revolution.

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Discipline is the mightiest and more stately of virtues, and must be instilled immediately and innately engrained into the populace to ensure a morally educated and devoted citizenship about the peoples psyche. A common fact of the African and Hispanic Countries is the general disdain for the government the people there have, due to countless abuses of empires and malicious leaders they are now conditioned to be skeptical and adamantly opposed to their ruling bodies. Which in effect does not harbor a stable society. A well conceived discipline and willingness to be governed is an admirable and expected trait in the citizen

The Ignorant are the most beloved of the Races of Men, proper tools of advancement, suitable sacrifices to causes beyond their grasp or utilization. For unlike the stupid, they can be religiously trained to follow what ever suit’s the teachers objectives, in this trait they are valuable. Truly an admirable breed, and perhaps something that is rooting itself more fervently into the populace then previously seen.
Ignorance is sight without occupation of the mind to coincide with it, the mind coordinates and analyzes the world apparent about the seer, and The Ignorant lacking this tool makes them poor contributors to society without strict order and maintenance, And in this they are useless. One needs intelligent people to direct, analyze and destroy aspects in society, reshaping them into supposedly positive reincarnations ( for as one knows, improvements are not always improvements).
Ignorance is not acceptable, it is simply tolerated. By and by, it serves its purpose so it’s existence is allowed to prosper. Respectively of course, degrees of Ignorance soon fall upon the lines of Stupidity, obscuring into a horrid realm of confusing mannerisms.
Stupidity, I can surmise, is useless, though also fairly simple and relieving. I’ve come to notice that stupidity allows one to languish also in ignorance as well, for knowledge is not only power, but also the inherent degree in many aspects of suffering. Stupidity is the lighter burden to carry, though I will gladly take my understanding over that meager state any day of this Nordic Week.



I almost got a book signed by Ray Bradbury today, what vigor that man has, what a shame I didn’t get to meet him.

The Festival of Books. I’ve acquired more religious and stupid material ( not related) in mere hours then I have my whole life, a few amusing one’s about Harry Potter as the ultimate incarnation of evil, this confusing one about a frog, more 911 conspirators then you can beat off with a stick and secret CIA memos, and a colorful plethora of professors, economists, literati, intellectuals, and book-parasites. I attended a panel on the disorder present in the country, how the economy is fairing, which led to many amusing bush commentary, economy jokes, jabs at Europeans, and even a shocking amount of those darn 911 conspirators that seem to permeate through the air, solidify, drop their massive load of crap, then liquefy into a gaseous state and depart. ( sadly enough, only a light exaggeration). The amusing part is how FAST they get booed off the stage, even getting death threats, and a few burly guys took up the initiative of Defenders of the Faith. It was an amusing panel, I sadly forgot what books the panelists had written ( and considering their commentary was just so damn caustic and true, I wish I had written the titles down).

I’ve also noticed that UCLA is no longer as brown as I last recalled, perhaps it’s the fact that the usual raiment of leaves about the trees of frittered way into the horrid spring heat, the walls backed a duller brown by the passing and frying of rain about the bricks, or just the fact that I am seemingly losing my ability to comprehend thing’s in their true state.
I suddenly got the urge to women watch on Friday, which is rather self-explanatory, but if you lack the ability to relate abstract ideas into your fruitless existence I’ll oblige an explanation for Now.
I watch women, a lot. More so then I would like to bring up. A myriad of faces, legs, hands, arms, thighs, feet, eyes, hair, smiles, laughs, voices, walks, and butts. Butts are an odd thing, I realized way back in my amateur days that they come in other attractive variations aside from bulbous cancerous growth on gluteus maximus. Walks are interesting too, struts, strides, sashays , jogs, sprints, gallops and some women who boggle me by simply walking, it’s interesting to see how everything either goes with the walk, moving in accordance with a pendulum like coordination, or flail around in an epileptic gait. Or perhaps the voluptuous nature of everything, every curve supplemented by batterings of girth, now that is lovely.

I suppose the most attractive feature is the apparent youth and innocence, when the flesh still has a degree of suppleness to it, unaccustomed to burdens and the ravages of time. And innocence, an unbeknownst blindness to the makings of human “mingling” is another feature I so rarely see anymore, seems even the younger one’s are experiencing things they shouldn’t until infinitely further down the line.
Inexperience is a Godly virtue.
Sad how innocence is sooner and sooner grasped from the spirit, tethered to the air and desecrated in the manner of a public flogging. Can’t we live our lives until necessary? I miss the looks in the eyes of the young, no more quivering beacons radiating out their jubilant glee about the grasses and hills, they instead platoon around the concrete and steel recesses of the horrid abominations they call Home and Hearth.

The trumpeting war calls of water Demons lurk in the shadows, fingers fumble reaching into their pockets for whatever pieces they dub mistress, and then what substance they deem their Lord and Savior.
The Sun still burns over their skies, but none so bright.

Perhaps one day, perhaps one day I shall have no reason to be sad, nor shall my fellow man.
I shall gesture for his gaze, and see nothing but warmth about his eyes.
And of then I can sigh, look upon the torrential sky, and heave my relief.
For the blessings ever desired have finally come, my heart twitters a sanguine note, of deep assurance to my flesh that I do not dwell in the land of dreams. In this realm, I rest peacefully, in all manner of Light or Day.
No darkness dwells in the land of Night, nor does good lurk in the days breadth.

I lie hungry, though dormant. My cause never ceases.

perhaps one day my stomach shall be full.